Escarg-Oh No!
By Itzin Ophdapost

Paris could count themselves lucky not to be 1-0 down in the opening 4 minutes after Jayquan Newton floated a delightful cross to Andrew Tate, finding himself 11 yards out and with no Paris player near him. Top G failed to find the top corner, though, and could only steer his header wide of the far post.

Norden continued to make chances down the right wing, Tijani going close with a half-volley which deflected off his own player, and wide of the post. Although it only took 11 before the high-tempo start from Norden paid off. Bendtner miraculously stealing a footrace against Semen, latching onto the end of a hopeful Tate ball down the middle of the pitch, ultimately smashing a first time shot past Klock in the Paris net, who might've done better. It only got worse for Klock and his teammates at the 25-minute mark, as his wild flailing at Tate's post-thumping free kick only directed the ball back into the center of the box, allowing Bendtner to tap into an empty net ahead of some sleepy defending.Paris desperately needed to reevaluate at half-time. They'd been outrun, outpassed, and outthought in that first half by a rampant Norden hoard. They needed a hero, a warrior amongst men, to step up and take the game to the visiting Norden players. So anyway, Paris conceded immediately after the restart. An innocuous ball through the middle found Jerry Curls seemingly running through molasses as he failed to stop Nazhim getting through on goal to tap the ball past the cardboard cut-out that was imitating Klock this game. 3-0 to Norden.

As Paris pushed for an equalizer, Norden sensed their moment, at 70 minutes they were able to play past the high Paris press, putting Bendtner and Tate through on goal. The former passing to the latter for an easy tap in past Klock to make it 4-0. A 5th could've, and maybe should've followed from the kick-off, with possession ceded to a pacey Nazhim, who once again in behind could only thwack an effort off the inside of the Paris post.

Tate and Bendtner continued to combine as Paris legs grew weary, the two conspiring to allow Bendtner a free run at goal in the 85th minute to curl his hat-trick sealing goal into the top right-hand corner. 5-0. A deserved result for the Norden boys in white.